You saw my pain washed out in the rain

Hey…

Conemara scenery, back in 2008

Conemara scenery, back in 2008

I have rarely felt less inspired… I think it’s this place. Don’t you find that some places are more inspiring than others?

It was back in December when I was traveling New Zealand with mom. She came over to visit me for three weeks, we rented a car and drove all over the South Island. I did all the driving because she did not feel confident enough to drive in the left side. When I’d find myself driving for hours, on the empty roads surrounded by moutains my mom snoozing beside me, this story came to my head from start to finish and I had no way to write it down. It can get very annoying, sometimes you just need to get the ideas out of your head or it will become like a broken record inside your brain and turn into an unhealthy obsession.  I put some of it down and then when I came home I continued it. I would sit at my desk trying to concentrate on my thesis writing, my head would fill up with so many words, of course none of them being thesis related…Then I went to visit London and Dublin and these two places are just incredibly inspiring. I love the UK as a whole, but the old libraries and old cafes in Dublin, it’s terribly exiting! And sooo many writers were born or lived in Dublin it’s quite surprising for such a small capital city.

But since I arrived here, my mind is blank. I can’t finish it at all or even remember the meaning of it. They say write with your heart, write about what you know. To be true, I feel nothing these days. Numb from the heart. The boredom of the daily routine, the dirty weather, it’s hopeless. I can’t believe one month ago I was still aching so hard I could just cry and scream everyday, now that it’s all gone I wonder if it’s all real. One thing is sure it wasn’t worth it. You think you’ll love forever, and you think you’ll ache from it forever but you don’t no matter how hard you want to hold on to it.

Maybe the story was shit, but I think that’s beside the point. I need inspiration again, and I have a feeling all it would take is a nice summer ale, with a fish and chips watching sunset on the beach…

xx

M.

Watching to better horizons... Connemara, Ireland

Watching to better horizons… Connemara, Ireland

 

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